Late Boomers

Patti Smith: 00:01

This is the EWN Podcast Network.

Cathy: 00:14

Welcome to late boomers, our podcast guide to creating your third act with style, power, and impact. Hi. I'm Cathy Worthington.

Merry: 00:24

And I'm Merry Elkins. Join us as we bring you conversations with entrepreneurs, entertainers, and people with vision who are making a difference in the world.

Cathy: 00:34

Everyone has a story, and we'll take you along for the ride on each interview, recounting the journey our guests have taken to get where they are, inspiring you to create your own path to success. Let's get started.

Cathy: 00:51

Hello. I'm Cathy Worthington welcoming you to a new episode of late boomers. I'm here with my cohost, Merry Elkins, and we are pleased to introduce reinvention strategist speaker and life success coach, Patty Smith, who will give pointers on what to do when life throws us curveballs or when we're stuck and really need to move forward.

Merry: 01:15

And I'm Merry Elkins. Patty carved a path of success in diverse industries from the world of fashion and publishing to health care, but a profound loss sent her on a different path to helping others. Her book, what am I to do now? Simple strategies to navigate the unknown and ignite what's next in your life, has helped Patty guide countless people through life's uncertainties. Welcome, Patti.

Patti Smith: 01:45

Great to be with you too.

Merry: 01:46

It's great to have you.

Cathy: 01:49

Please tell us about your journey and how you came to a career in coaching others through life's changes.

Patti Smith: 01:58

Yes. I'd love to. Well, I was I think I had talked to you guys at a conference that we met at, and I was saying that my journey when I was young, there were two things that really pulled me. One was fashion, and one was helping people. So I started my first journey in the fashion industry and eventually evolved to where I am today, which is life coaching and helping people.

Patti Smith: 02:24

So, I guess all that came full circle since I've been a little girl. That's how I was pulled. But as far as, like, moving from fashion to health care and then into what I'm doing now, my older sister was diagnosed with cancer and eventually moved to terminal cancer. And that's when I got out of the fashion and luxury market and went to become a full time caregiver for my sister. She had two kids, and she was divorced.

Patti Smith: 02:59

And, you know, our life changed, and, you know, everything changed overnight. And it was she lived with us for about eight months, and, we had her kids part time. And then when she passed away, something just really shifted in me, and I just knew I had to move forward in a different way. And I was really pulled. I think I was in that world of health care for almost a year, and I just, you know, I just learned so much, and I was really pulled to advocacy.

Patti Smith: 03:32

I didn't know what I was gonna do. I mean, I came from the fashion background, so health care was a brand new territory. But I just felt really called, and I got I jumped in. I started networking, and I eventually landed at, a few different places, but I landed at an entrepreneurial company. And it just it was the right place at the right time, and I just felt, that was my next.

Patti Smith: 04:00

And what was interesting was, as I as I thought that this was my next for a long time, within two years, our CEO went rogue, and I had to shut down the company. And it's what propelled me to really go into I embarked on a journey of self discovery really deeply after that, and, that's what took me into personal development. I went to a personal development event, and, that's when my whole world opened up, and I realized that's where I was meant to be for helping people. And so here I am today. So I've reinvented myself many, many times.

Patti Smith: 04:43

Throughout there, there's little stories, and I talk about them in my book, but I feel like we're constantly evolving. And I feel like that question of what's next as we navigate seasons in our life, some might be planned. A lot of them are unexpected, and it I think if we stay open and curious, we're supposed to be evolving till we take our last breath.

Cathy: 05:06

Well, that's interesting. Because so many people that we're all evolving don't follow the next step, or they don't move to something new. And you kind of followed how you were being called, and most people ignore that little voice.

Merry: 05:22

Your in insight and your intuition. But but and and I was actually going to ask you a little bit about your book because you have such great quotes in it. And I remember the one that, Ella Fitzgerald said, but, which she said it's not where you come from, it's where you're going that counts. And on that topic of what's next, go ahead and tell us what you think it is. What does it look like?

Merry: 05:50

How do we know?

Patti Smith: 05:52

You know, I think, you know, it's interesting. I as a speaker, I talk on reinvention and self leadership. And, you know, I feel like we need to be leaders of our own lives. And there's a there's a story that I love to tell. It's from a movie.

Patti Smith: 06:07

It's one of my favorite holiday movies, and it's called the holiday. And it's where a woman that's I don't know if you guys are familiar with it. Kate Winslet is in it. And her and Cameron Diaz switch homes for the holidays. One's in England and one's in Yeah.

Patti Smith: 06:22

LA, and it's because they're both going through broken hearts. And so Kate Winslet is in Beverly Hills, and she ends up meeting the neighbor who's an Oscar winning writer. They're having dinner, and, you know, he's talking about her woes of, you know, why she's there. And he I love this line. He says, Iris, in the movies, we have the leading lady and the best friend.

Patti Smith: 06:45

You, can tell her leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend. And she looks at him, and she says, you're right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life. And I just love that because I think we're supposed to be leaders of our own life, and that constantly changes and evolves. And sometimes it's, you know, like, we go through divorce or we have loss, and we are meant to continue to navigate that.

Patti Smith: 07:12

And I think if we stay curious, like, I have a seven step system called Ignite You. I use the acronym Ignite You.

Merry: 07:20

We're gonna ask you all about that.

Patti Smith: 07:23

Yes. Well, the first is about imagination, and I think, you know, when we're imagination is a powerful tool. But when we're young, we use it the way we're supposed to, which is in service of what we would love. And I think when as we get on in life and experience things, we use it more to terrorize ourselves of all of the, oh, no. Yeah.

Patti Smith: 07:45

Yeah. It paralyzes us versus using it to inspire and ignite us. And so, I think it's really going back to when you were a kid and, you know, the world was your oyster. And even though we have different seasons and it looks different, throughout those different seasons and the reasons why. And sometimes it's just because we're bored, and, you know, maybe we retired, and it's like we didn't think about what was next, or maybe we've suffered something really difficult.

Patti Smith: 08:14

But as long as we're breathing, we're supposed to be evolving. And I I wanna bring up one story, because it really was profound for me, and it when it went on while I was in the middle of writing my book, and it's a story about my dad. My dad was 87 years old when my mom passed away, and it was fairly quickly. It was within a year of we're going into early stage dementia and then late stage dementia. And my mom was the social calendar.

Patti Smith: 08:45

My mom was the the one who was you know, she did the cooking, and my dad did other things. He kinda had an adventurous spirit, but he was more extrovert. He was more introvert. So when my mom passed, I mean, they had just celebrated sixty years together. And he was I have never seen my dad, this strong man, so heartbroken.

Patti Smith: 09:10

I mean, he was. My sister and I were like, woah. And three weeks after my mom passed, my brother's daughter who had was about to graduate from college the next year, three weeks after my mom died, she was killed in a tragic accident. Oh. And my dad was like, first of all, all family was devastated.

Patti Smith: 09:34

You know, we we're at a funeral three weeks after my mom's, but my dad's like, I don't even know what I'm gonna do with this because I haven't processed your mom. And my younger sister and I are like, he's not gonna make it. And what was interesting is within a few months, he called me because he lives in Michigan. I'm in LA. But he said, Patty, I've made it.

Patti Smith: 09:52

This is at 87. I've made a decision. I can sit here and feel sorry for myself and make excuses and just wait to die, or I can, and these are his words, reinvent myself. And I've made a decision to reinvent myself. And I was like, okay.

Patti Smith: 10:10

What's this simple clack? I mean, who is this man? Yeah.

Cathy: 10:15

And who took my dad?

Merry: 10:16

Where'd my dad go?

Patti Smith: 10:18

Well and, you know, like, we all have different seasons of what maybe a reinvention is. But for him, at that point, you know what that looks like for him? Because it's he was outside of his comfort zone, and that's where that reinvention occurs. You know what he did? He pulled out my mom's recipe book, and he literally started to teach himself how to cook.

Patti Smith: 10:39

And he my mom would not believe that. But he would and then he started, you know, oh, don't care if it doesn't turn out. I'll try it again. And then he started making different things. He's bringing it to church, and the women at church love.

Patti Smith: 10:50

Oh, here's the lemon blueberry bread that Don made, and he just was got him engaged. And then another thing he did, which was so uncomfortable, my mother always wanted him to volunteer at church, and he said, that is not for me. That's for you. He started volunteering at church. And it was not easy, but he said if he did not put himself around community with his personality, it would be easy to very much contract.

Patti Smith: 11:18

And so to see somebody who suffered two losses so close that within months, literally make a decision where he just you know, this is what I'm doing. He put himself out there, and he didn't know what he was doing. But I mean

Merry: 11:35

At 87. Yeah.

Patti Smith: 11:37

Yeah. And he's introverted. So I I mean, I literally was blown away, and it was just another you know, it just showed me that it really is a choice. You know? You you always have a decision when things happen or when we feel like we're not like, a lot of times people I think, women sometimes as in our second act and and say we're even working or involved in work, we start getting even if we're very accomplished, you you start feeling stagnant, like, what's missing?

Patti Smith: 12:09

And I think that we go from you know, we we're searching for purpose and fulfillment, and so we're looking more for purpose driven success in our second act rather than just focusing on, you know, success like when

Cathy: 12:24

you're younger than I wanted to ask you about that because boomers often face uncertainty about what to do after retirement, or perhaps they're experiencing empty nests or or health issues. So how do we shift our mindsets and move forward?

Patti Smith: 12:43

You know, the very last chapter in my book, I talk about living vision driven versus condition driven. And the very first thing that, when I work I work a lot with women, and the very first thing I ask them, but this this applies to men and women as my book does, is what would you love? Not what do you think you can have or what sounds practical, but, like, what pulls you? And it's not necessarily always like it's gotta be a career or it could be philanthropy. What what kind of things touch your heart?

Patti Smith: 13:20

Or maybe there's hobbies, like you love painting, but it's not something you've done in a while. Or maybe there's something something new. It's it's really about coming back to when you were a kid saying, what's something that interests me? And, you know, start and not being afraid of it's gotta be you know, I've gotta be good at it. It's you think about it, life is about learning.

Patti Smith: 13:42

And, you know, reef like, I the mindset piece is is so important because we learn by doing. And think about it. When you try something new, it's probably you're gonna fail first. And so what? We learned to walk by falling down.

Patti Smith: 13:59

Feedback. Right? We didn't knock some walkers. We didn't know anybody. We just kept trying until we walked.

Patti Smith: 14:06

We learned to drive by trial and error. You've kept failing, and but you wanna have that independence and freedom so bad that you're willing to get through being afraid. And

Cathy: 14:18

Yeah.

Patti Smith: 14:18

I think when you go after when I say vision driven, that's looking at what ignites your heart and soul versus looking at your conditions around you. Like, oh, I'm too old. Oh, I'm not feel great. Like, it's it's wherever you focus, where your attention goes, energy flows. And if you're always looking at Oh.

Patti Smith: 14:39

Why you can't, then you won't. But if you're looking at it from the eyes like a kid, being curious, it is amazing what you can do. And I really believe that you were just getting started, women in their second act. Mhmm. Because I think, you know, if you have a family or even aging parents, you know, life becomes about you're stretching yourself so much.

Patti Smith: 15:06

And I think once your kids get older and or and maybe you're not working the grind like you were before, so much can open up for you, but you've gotta stay curious and and and really get clear with what you would love. You know, it's funny when I work with women, and the first thing I'll ask them is, you know, so what is it that you're looking for? You know, what would you I love saying what would you love because it's different than what would you like. And you know what they always tell me? Every time, they tell me what they don't want.

Patti Smith: 15:40

And that wasn't the question. It was what would you love?

Cathy: 15:43

That is not

Patti Smith: 15:43

the question. Yeah. We know what we don't want, but have we spent much time? And when I'm when when I keep okay. We know what you don't want.

Patti Smith: 15:52

And when I keep, you know, back into that question, you know what? Lots of times happens. I was blown away when I first started working with women, but then it became kinda normal. I don't care what kind of personality they have. Almost every time, there's some kind of tears, and they're like, I can't believe why am I crying?

Patti Smith: 16:12

And I'm like, because you're touching a part of yourself that you haven't let yourself Mhmm. You know, connect within a long time at that level. And, you know, that's what I'm passionate about is, you know, just igniting that aliveness in you and just going for it because we don't know how long we have. You know? I lost my niece at 21, my sister at 50, and my mom at 82.

Patti Smith: 16:39

So we don't know when our last breath is. And and so that's why I say, if you make it a habit of living vision driven, letting your vision of what you're curious and what lights you up pull you rather than your conditions. And the more you make that a habit, the more it will become a habit. And that's looking at the glass fuller half empty in concept.

Merry: 16:59

Ah, that's interesting. Well, talk about you mentioned it a little earlier, the dream builder and the seven step ignite you system that helps people brighten their lives up. They talk about these systems and how can they help us define our goals and our needs further.

Patti Smith: 17:20

Sure. Yeah. The the system that I take people through, and and it's in my book, it's called I've used the acronym IGNITE and then the letter u. And it's really to because that's the question is, okay. How do I even begin?

Patti Smith: 17:34

Right? I haven't even thought like that in a long time or maybe something that really pulled you into not a easy like a great place, it's just hard to get motivated. Right? And so I take them through the steps. And the first is and I won't get heavily into it, but just to kinda go through them.

Patti Smith: 17:53

First is inspire your imagination, and that's what I've been talking about. You know? What would you love? What turns you on? What what is just interesting for you?

Patti Smith: 18:02

And even think back to things that maybe you haven't done in a while, but things that made you happy, things that just sparked the you know, you know, gets you puts you up in the morning, put it that way. Right? Because your imagination is really what is the beginning of what fuels transformation. And then the second is get clear with what you want and why. And that's because clarity is power, and specificity is key because we need to be specific about what we would love.

Patti Smith: 18:32

You know? Use the Internet as an example. If you're looking up a good restaurant, right, and if you just put a nice restaurant in Los Angeles, tons of restaurants will show up. Then if you say a good Italian restaurant. What if you said a good Italian restaurant that serves gluten free pasta and is in West Hills, California?

Patti Smith: 18:58

The list gets a lot clearer and more succinct. And that's why when people say, I wanna be happy, well, what does that mean? And I like to say, look at it like a photograph when you went on vacation. You had lots of memories, but you can look at a photograph and you remember, oh, I was in this place, and I was feeling this way. And, you know, maybe you were you were with a significant other or with a bunch of girlfriends or whatever it is, and you describe the photograph.

Patti Smith: 19:25

That's when I get get specific about what would be an idea of something that would fill you up and be specific. Because when you're specific, then when you're wanting to take actions, you're clear with where that is because we need to have a direction, you know, a vision that pulls you. And then

Cathy: 19:43

So these are these are how the steps work and how we're connecting with them.

Patti Smith: 19:49

Yeah. Use your imagination and then get clear. Okay. What kinds of things would you love? And then let me zone in on what are the things that really light me up, and let me be specific.

Patti Smith: 19:59

Like, what is a happy day look like for you? Or what would be, you know, in in the year, what would what's something I would love to be doing? You know? Maybe it's writing a book. Maybe it's painting.

Patti Smith: 20:10

Who knows what it is? Maybe it's, you know, getting involved in philanthropy. Well, what kinds of things touch your heart? Get really specific. And then, you know, the why is, well, why is it important to you?

Patti Smith: 20:22

Because when you have a strong why, it grounds you. When you're moving forward with your vision, the why is what will keep you grounded when maybe you get distracted or maybe, you know, you've mentioned something about it to somebody, and they're like, what are you are you crazy? I'm too old for that. But if you know why something's important to you, that's gonna be your anchor. So that's the second step.

Patti Smith: 20:45

And then the third is nail down your decision to go for it. Like when I shared the story about my dad, he made a decision because decision, you know, leads to progress, and it's putting your stake in the ground and committing. I am doing this. And, you know, I'm closing the back door and maybe and it's happening. I don't know how it's gonna happen, but it's gonna happen.

Patti Smith: 21:09

Because I think people get caught up in how, and when they can't answer how, they give up. You put the how on hold, because you don't need to know how. You just need to know what, and then that you know, then we'll lead into the action. So, the the decision is is important once you're clear. And then once you're moving forward with your decision, the next is invite and support of like minded people and mentors.

Patti Smith: 21:36

And this is where community and mentorship are so important. You know, Sandra Yancey, we all know her. She's the CEO of p women. She has this quote, and I love it. She says, your dream comes from inside you.

Patti Smith: 21:51

Your success comes from who's beside you. Oh. And that always makes me tear up because she she one of one of the one of her made pullers, her values is and it's my favorite one with Did You Climb. And I love that because, you know, we can only do so much on our own, But when you have support, when you have a community, you can move mountains. And, it's just so important to be around people that are going to maybe help you stay accountable because it's hard to see the picture when you're in your own frame, right, of your life.

Patti Smith: 22:28

Mhmm. You want the support of accountability, but yet people that help you, you know, support you in moving forward, and they're not telling you, oh, you're too old, or who do you think you are? You're not educated enough. You know, they're they're there to support you because they see how it lights you up. So that's I think support really helps.

Patti Smith: 22:48

You know, success grows with support. It really does. And then t is take inspired action every day because nothing happens unless you act. And I will quote, Sandra again. She takes the acronym ACT, and action changes things, and it's so true.

Patti Smith: 23:07

And that's where, you know, I was telling you guys, we learn by doing. And, you know, don't be afraid to fail and reframe failure's feedback. And John Maxwell, I have this quote in my book. You know the quote, sometimes you win, sometimes you learn? He says, sometimes you win, sometimes you like, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose is the quote.

Patti Smith: 23:28

He says sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. And I love that because evolution or evolving is always about learning. And we're gonna try new things, and it's exciting, but it's okay if we look foolish doing it. I mean, that's that's Yeah.

Cathy: 23:44

What that's what They always tell us to frame our failures as learning experience as Absolutely. You're learning when you fail, and you're not learning when you don't

Merry: 23:53

And winning too. It's a learning experience. What could I have done a little better even if you win?

Patti Smith: 24:00

Well and I think sometimes people like, when I'm working with people with, you know, making changes and moving and growing, you you you can be sometimes people get so stuck in the learning. Like, they're always reading things and going to seminars and all this. But until you apply what you're learning, it's you know, I think it's Einstein that has a quote, that knowledge really, comes from experience. I mean, knowledge is okay. It's nice.

Patti Smith: 24:29

It's good to have knowledge, and we need knowledge. But if you're not gonna apply it, what's the point in in having it? And so and you're gonna fail when you're trying new things. And then the e in the system is embrace gratitude throughout your journey because I think gratitude grounds and empowers. And, you know, when you make gratitude because gratitude is an instant shifter.

Patti Smith: 24:54

I think if you're having a bad day or even a challenging moment, if you think of something you're grateful for, it's an instant energy shift.

Cathy: 25:03

I can't tell you how many of our guests have said that

Patti Smith: 25:07

on this podcast.

Merry: 25:09

Pretty much every single one.

Patti Smith: 25:11

Well Because A lot. Yeah. Because what you focus on expands, and what you ignore contracts. Right? We know that.

Patti Smith: 25:20

So if you're focused on gratitude, every step of the way, even when you're family like, you you bring yourself there, it's it literally is an instant energy shift. And I think you make that a habit, and a grateful attitude truly becomes a grid through which you perceive life. Even if it's if

Merry: 25:38

there even if it's something very small that you're grateful for, the belief Yeah. Of a little a bud on a flower. Yeah.

Cathy: 25:46

We've had people say be grateful for running water in your house. Yeah. Any any kind of thing like that that we never think about. But when you zero in on it, it shifts you a little bit.

Patti Smith: 26:00

It does. It it is an instant energy shift. And I think, you know, sometimes people go, well, what if you've just had you know, they'll bring up the worst scenarios of somebody's life and all that. And it's like, you know what? If you're breathing, you have something to be grateful for because you have a shot at something.

Patti Smith: 26:15

Even if you're fully handicapped, look at the stories of handicapped people that you know, there was a story about, a guy who played a guitar for the pope. This was years ago, and he didn't have arms. And he literally played it with his toes. And it was such a marvelous story because I thought, you know, you know, there's a, when you're taking action, there's I always like to look at it this way. What's one thing you can do from where you are with what you have that will move you forward.

Patti Smith: 26:51

Just what's one step. Could be a phone call. It could be, a seminar. It could be, taking a class. There's there's really something you can do, and you don't have to have it all figured out.

Patti Smith: 27:04

And then the last step is unite with the new self image. And this one I added in before

Merry: 27:10

I was ask you about that because, why create a whole new self image? So and how do you do that?

Patti Smith: 27:18

Well, to me, I think that ties in the whole idea of reinvention because, you know, life is really a lively process of becoming. Right? We're always becoming. I mean, the the universe is a spiral universe. Right?

Patti Smith: 27:33

It's constantly nudging us towards our full potential, and our even our DNA is a spiral. You know? It's a spiral of becomingness. You know? We're always becoming that, you know, that next best version if we allow ourselves to continue to evolve.

Patti Smith: 27:49

And, you know, Maxwell Maltz, he was a renowned plastic surgeon, and then he wrote a book, Psycho Cybernetics, and he really studied the self image because he used to, you know, he used to redefine people's faces, and a lot of them were things with the with the nose and all that, and he said accidents, and he was from the forties. And he was marveled at how some people you know, he, you know, picks them up, and they would, you know, suddenly feel amazing. You know, they didn't feel so bad anymore that they looked great. And then there's other people he would do the same thing. And what he found is they would look at themselves when he was done, and they would say, I don't see any difference.

Patti Smith: 28:32

Because they still viewed themselves as, you know, having some deformity even though physically it was not there, they still had the image. And so in their mind, they were still broken somehow. And so he did he did a great book he wrote called psycho cybernetics, and he said, I love this. He said, you can never outperform your own trans your your own self image, you know, how you see yourself. Mhmm.

Patti Smith: 29:01

You can't outperform. No matter what people tell you, it's how you believe, but you can absolutely change it because you who you believe yourself to be is who you become. It's really you know, people can say, oh, you know, you're so smart. You're so beautiful. You're so talented.

Patti Smith: 29:20

But until you believe that for yourself, it doesn't matter.

Cathy: 29:24

Well, speaking of that, how do we break through mind blocks, and how do we align ourselves with a vision driven life and not get stuck like that?

Patti Smith: 29:35

Well, to start off, we need to have goal to work towards. Our our our our we've been designed that way. We're goal driven. So that's your vision. What that's when you sit in the, what would I love?

Patti Smith: 29:48

So you you wanna have something to work toward. And then get us that's why I have that system. I think it's important to have at least one person. It doesn't have to be a whole group. At least one or two people, and I call them a partner in believing.

Patti Smith: 30:05

You know? And whether it's a mentor or somebody that you know that will support you. Because sometimes, you know, when we're feeling a little challenge, if you've got that group or that one person at least, they're there to help you, and you're there to help them when they're not feeling so great. Right? So having some kind of a community or at least a partner in believing, and that's what, you know, working with a coach can look like.

Patti Smith: 30:32

But Mhmm. You know, plenty of people are even in little mastermind groups, and that's really what that's about is to help each other out. I talk about see, a lot of stuff is, like, using your fear as fuel. A lot of times people stop because they're, you know, they're doubting and or they feel like they're gonna look stupid or they're afraid, right, of of who knows what, but, you know, we get crazy in our mind with our imagination. And I always like to say just like reframe failure as feedback.

Patti Smith: 31:03

I just say use your fear as fuel because most of the time, you know, if you're in danger, then we're supposed to you know, our, we you know, our immune system shuts down. So we when you go into fight or flight, and that is to give you all the energy to get out of harm's way. That's what happened, you know, in the caveman times. Right? Something's chasing them.

Patti Smith: 31:24

But we aren't meant to live there. And most things in life are not a matter of life and death like that. They're in our mind, and we put the fear. And so I just say, unless you're in grave danger, which is not that often, take whatever you're afraid of and, you know, call it what it is. It's like, you know, when I was in a coaching program, they said befriend your fear.

Patti Smith: 31:50

So it's not like you're not gonna be afraid when you're trying new things, but rather change the perception of what you see fear is. It's like, you know what? This is good news because if I got some fear in me, then that means I'm heading in the right direction because I'm pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. So, you know, to not be afraid of it, but rather realize that it's telling you that you're moving in the right direction. And unless there's something that's really a life and death situation, which is rare, It's just a matter of taking fear and not using it as an excuse.

Patti Smith: 32:24

And I say Mhmm. You know, don't be a victim. Because when you're a victim, you literally are giving up. You're you're you're using everything as an excuse. And rather than being you know, you can either be on a hero's journey or a victim's journey.

Patti Smith: 32:40

Mhmm. And so and, you know, I you talked about Cathy, you were talking about emptiness. Right? So when I wrote my book, AARP called me, and they happened to do this article on empty nesters. And so Oh.

Patti Smith: 32:57

It was interesting because when it ended up being one of their most read, downloaded, shareable articles. The writer the woman that wrote the article, she interviewed a few of us that had written books that she thought applied. But the thing she took from mine, and I really believe this to be so true, whether you're a parent, a grandparent, an aunt, or, you know, just the younger generation looking at Mhmm. You know, our generation and and and and forward, you're they're looking at us. It's it's not as much what we say when they're adults.

Patti Smith: 33:34

It's different when they're kids. Yes. They listen to us, but they're watching us. And I I thought of that because I recently became an empty nester right when I was publishing my book. And I thought, you know what?

Patti Smith: 33:47

It's not what I say to my daughter. She's watching me. And I saw that because when I wrote my book, I couldn't believe she was shocked, and she started looking at me so different.

Merry: 33:58

She didn't know you were writing one.

Patti Smith: 34:01

She didn't. I told her I didn't tell her. And then one day during COVID, she came in my room, and I'm like, I'm trying to write the book. This finish this book. And she goes, you're doing what?

Patti Smith: 34:09

And I thought, oh, no. I have to finish this now because I wanna be a role model for her.

Merry: 34:15

Ah, a leader. You wanted to be a leader. Talk about that a little bit. You brought it up earlier about what it means to be a leader. So but how does that help us navigate to new challenges ahead?

Patti Smith: 34:28

Well, you know, I look at being a leader, and I think most people think, oh, a leader is somebody who's in charge. Right? But I think just like I brought up the story about being the leading lady of your life or the leading man of your life. If you think about it, we are all supposed to be leaders of our own life. And I think the fund self leading yourself is the foundation of leadership because true leaders, great leaders are good role models.

Patti Smith: 34:58

Right? Mhmm. They walk their talk. There are those people that say, I'm not gonna ask you to do anything that I haven't done or I'm not willing to do. And I think in life, if we look at the the the younger generation, I feel they're in desperate need of more good role models.

Patti Smith: 35:17

And Mhmm. Best way we can role model to our kids, to our grandkids, anybody around us, is by how we show up. And so to me, that has been that is a constant reminder because, you know, when when my sister passed away, you know, we cared for her here. My daughter was only seven. And I'll never forget the day my sister died, and I had my daughter go to school.

Patti Smith: 35:42

We didn't tell her she died. We closed the bedroom door. And when she came home from school, I sat her down. And I told her, you know, that her aunt passed away. You know, I couldn't believe what this little seven year old said to me.

Patti Smith: 35:54

Her first words were she said this my daughter had my sister had two kids. She said, mom, what are those kids gonna do without their mother?

Merry: 36:04

Oh, gee.

Patti Smith: 36:05

And I thought, wow. I can't believe a seven year old just said that to me. But I realized that's what she was looking at, and it really after that, it always got me thinking, like, I wanna be the best role model for her and for my niece and nephew. I'm not gonna do do it perfectly, but I think we can all be especially us that are in our second acts of life, some way, shape, or form, how we treat other people, how we move forward with our lives. You know, our kids in in the next generation, they watch us.

Patti Smith: 36:37

It's how we sail too. It's not being perfect. It's how do we instill them how we navigate loss, how we navigate divorce, how we navigate getting fired, or how we navigate, you know, just being lost and trying to figure it out. And to me, it's I think that's why we need to continue to evolve and show them how life is lots of different seasons, and reinvention looks different at all these different places of our life. And that's, to me, what ignites our heart and soul is what's gonna continue to move us forward.

Patti Smith: 37:14

Because, you know, many everybody's got stories, and some of them are not easy. And we go through seasons of difficulty. And you either are gonna let your excuse lead you, or you're going to let your vision lead you. And I would say that it's more fun living vision driven than it is condition driven.

Merry: 37:37

You know, you talked about fear and the power of fear and using it to empower you. It's when people are afraid, it's the least empowering thing ever because they don't know what to do, and they don't know if they are facing something that will ruin their lives or have them move forward. What do you say about that?

Patti Smith: 37:59

You know what? I would say, first of all, when you first are challenged with something, allow yourself to process it because you're human. You know? I mean, sometimes you've gotta meet people. Like, even if you're talking to somebody, you meet them where they're at because, you know, you need to process an emotion, and you need to process going through something.

Patti Smith: 38:21

But then I think there's that point where you say, okay. Enough. And, you know, you know that what's one thing I can do from where I am with what I have? Maybe that one thing is I can't do this on my own. Maybe that one thing is just reaching out to somebody who you admire or who you think can at least help you get out of that headspace so you can get to that next place.

Patti Smith: 38:48

But at the end of the day, only you can do that for yourself. And that's why that's why, honestly, this idea of living vision driven, if you've got something that's pulling you forward right? My dad lost the love of his life. He was 87 years old. And then his granddaughter, he was 87.

Patti Smith: 39:08

You know, you can understand if he gave up. Right? Both of those things going on. Yeah. He did it because he decided, okay.

Patti Smith: 39:18

If I'm on this earth, I'm gonna have to if I wanna stay here, then I've gotta move forward. And it really is about moving forward, always forward. You know, my nephew who lost his mom, he he got a tattoo on his back, and it was always forward. And he said that was to remind him just that no matter what happens, I can always move forward. And that always stuff

Cathy: 39:45

But saying because you can't read a tattoo that's on your own back.

Patti Smith: 39:48

I know. And yet, I think for him, it was about pushing him forward. You know? Like, knowing that that was there and that it will always push him forward.

Cathy: 40:01

Really interesting.

Patti Smith: 40:02

I mean, at the end of the day, that's why I said it is important to have some community. And if you don't, that's why you've gotta go out there and look. If there's that one person you can call, or, you know, that's what sometimes working with, like like I said, a coach would be is helping you to get to that place. That's why I I wrote the book. So people go through a process.

Patti Smith: 40:27

I have questions at the end of each chapter along with where my system is where you can start making notes of things that are hitting you as you're reading them and to get you out of that headspace. Good idea. You're either gonna go forward or backwards. The glass is half full or half empty again. So do you wanna put on, you know, a vision driven lens and move forward, or do you and you can't stay still because what happens with stagnant water.

Patti Smith: 40:55

Right? It starts getting yucky. And, I mean, we're meant to move forward. We're energy. We're meant to be moving, and we're meant to continue to evolve.

Patti Smith: 41:05

And I call it your what's next evolution because we're supposed to be evolving till we take our next breath. Let your curiosity move you forward. Think about what is what are the things that are just interesting? Go on a walk. You know, you get out in nature, and it feels good.

Patti Smith: 41:24

Maybe exercise makes you feel good. Try a class out. There's so many there are so many things out there. Volunteer for something that really touches your soul. You like animals.

Patti Smith: 41:36

Volunteer somewhere like that. You want like helping people. There are so many opportunities out there. Get curious. You don't have to have the answer like this.

Patti Smith: 41:45

But I think we don't take time take the time to really just slow down and say, okay. What would I love? I mean, just I would say start with that question. What would I love? What are things that make me happy?

Cathy: 42:00

Well, I was just gonna ask you what advice you'd give our boomer audience

Merry: 42:04

and all the others as a takeaway today, and you just gave several little bullet points. Anything else you wanna leave them with to take over takeaway?

Patti Smith: 42:16

You know, I would say this. No matter where you are in life, no matter what you've been through or what you're going through, you matter. You know, I the very beginning of my book starts with that. You matter. Because if you're on this earth and you're breathing, there's a reason.

Patti Smith: 42:41

And I feel like that we have within us the capacity to continue to evolve in ways that we will feel the purpose and the fulfillment that we're looking for, and we have to trust that. But you've gotta get quiet. That's no one can answer that question for you. No one can make you happy because they're not you. And to trust yourself enough to know that you've got the answers, the quality of your life is really determined by the quality of question you're willing to ask, and you wanna learn how to ask those kind of questions like, what would I love?

Patti Smith: 43:21

Instead of complaining about, oh, how bad everything is or how, you know, there's nothing, you know, more worth doing, there's always something. There's something that will light you up, but you make the decision. Am I gonna be I would just say this. Am I gonna be vision driven or condition driven? Which way do I wanna live?

Patti Smith: 43:40

And if it's vision driven, then stop the excuses. Another Sandra Nancy quote.

Merry: 43:47

Mhmm.

Patti Smith: 43:48

When you lose your excuses, you find your results. And, actually, if you're not happy with your results, then that kinda gives you a clue to how you've been thinking. So you know?

Merry: 44:02

Yeah. We've analyzed everything

Merry: 44:04

we think about.

Patti Smith: 44:05

That's right.

Cathy: 44:07

We become our thoughts.

Merry: 44:08

We do. We we do become our thoughts.

Patti Smith: 44:11

What we think about. We really do. Yeah. I mean, there's a whole we could do a whole another podcast about that. But Yeah.

Patti Smith: 44:19

You know, at the end of the day, I just, you know, I I if if anybody's interested in the book, he's on Amazon.

Merry: 44:26

Further for our hold it up, father. There.

Patti Smith: 44:30

That's for ours. Amazon. And, or you could go to my website, which is PattySmithCoaching.com. Patty's with an I. And and and that's why I wrote the book.

Patti Smith: 44:43

So it's it's people just go, I don't know where to begin. I would just suggest get the book.

Merry: 44:50

That's great.

Patti Smith: 44:50

Go through the book and take notes in the book, and the whole point is to get you started. That's why I wrote the book.

Merry: 44:56

That's great. Thank you. You've given us such great advice. Our guest today on late boomers has been Patty Smith, life success coach and author of the empowering book, what am I to do now? And I won't go over the rest of it unless you'd like to, Patty.

Merry: 45:15

You can reach Patty through her website, PattySmithcoaching.com, which is what she just told you, and that's Patty with an I, and download her gift of 11 powerful affirmations that spark your awesomeness factor. And, Patty, is there anything else you'd like to say?

Patti Smith: 45:33

You know what? I just wanna dovetail on on the awesomeness. I that's a word I use a lot, is awesome. And I came up I used the word awesomeness as an acronym. And my idea, I think it's kind of my fashion background, was, you know, every day when we get up in the morning and we get dressed, right, you're thinking about what am I gonna wear, what am I gonna put on.

Patti Smith: 45:57

And I thought, wouldn't it be great to put your awesomeness on every day? And the affirmations, I say, look at the awesomeness creed and see what's speaking to you and put that on before you go out the door in the morning.

Merry: 46:13

Well, definitely That's good advice. Download her her affirmations from her website, and you will be awesome every day too. Right?

Cathy: 46:22

Yeah. And thank you for listening to our late boomers podcast and subscribing to our late boomers podcast channel on YouTube. Listen in next week when you'll meet another inspiring guest, Jeffrey Peterson, who will tell us about building a real estate empire, complete change of subject. You can listen on any podcast platform, and we do appreciate you. Please follow us on Instagram at I am Kathy Worthington and at I am Mary Elkins and at late boomers.

Cathy: 46:54

Thanks again to Patty Smith. Patty with an I.

Patti Smith: 46:58

Thank you. Great to be with you guys and with your audience too. I appreciate it.

Cathy: 47:12

Thank you for joining us on late boomers, the podcast that is your guide to creating a third act with style, power, and impact. Please visit our website and get in touch with us at late boomers dot biz. If you would like to listen to or download other episodes of late boomers, go to ewnpodcastnetwork.com.

Merry: 47:34

This podcast is also available on Spotify, Apple Podcast, and most other major podcast sites. We hope you make use of the wisdom you've gained here and that you enjoy a successful third act with your own style, power, and impact.